I’m still so scared of everything,
i’m afraid of being a disappointment,
i’m afraid to embarrass myself,
I’m afraid of getting lost.

I’m scared of getting insulted,
i’m afraid of receiving comments,
i’m afraid of rejection.

The people around me are so brave, and strong. Look at M, shes so brave she opens up to us w/o any qualms. Look at R, similiarly shes like that too.

But i cant. Cos i’m scared, i’m afraid of whatever consequences it might bring. I don’t know how some people can actually control and keep everything in, i try to be like that too but sometimes it hurts so much. I confide in God everynight but somehow i feel thats not enough. Why?

How come whatever i write down it’ll somehow get jinxed or something. Sucks like shit.

well right now, i dont know what has happened. why do i get sad when small things dont happen? i dont know if im right or if im thinking too much. it hurts to think so much. im still considering moving here. still considering.

suddenly it dawns on me that i am very tired. very tired.
i feel lost.

posting here feels better than posting on blogger. somehow. even though this hardly gets read. more sense of privacy i guess.

seeing your face just makes my day,
seeing your smile makes me smile too.

porsee Sie faciale tu laf Mein tier,
poree Sie porsmile porwainer Mein porsmile tu laf vit.

because school starts tomorrow, i feel extremely ughed and sian. good thing i finished my homework already. (except one :O ) but nevermind.

theres always tomorrow.

i want to watch iCarly. perks me up anytime.

OH AND IM GETTING MY TALES OF BEEEEEEEDLE THE BAAAAARD

“because you have a short fuse.”
laf vit Sie porccarto fuse

Within the past few days ive been really experiencing kindness from many places, like for example the other day on friday when i went home, i was all alone and the nearest people i knew were about 4 carriages away in the train. nevertheless, i saw them walking towards me to say that they’ll accompany me just to make sure my wound wont get knocked/hit.

what kindness that was! i was touched, really.

also, the prayers that my lg prayed certainly touched me too. i only told one person, da bian, and she told the rest to pray for me. really, i went in the ‘aw-ed’ mood after that.

because all you need to do is to

take a look around, theres always someone there willing to lend you a helping hand.

porsee einer friegund, est porraire sapiemiente tu porassist Sie.

sarah and ain’s shift today was just a reminder to me that i cant stay in alto forever. im stuck and i know that if i go to bass which wont be a high probability i’ll totally suck at it and the other option is thirds which i have a really bad feeling about i dont know why.

in sec one i was really confident of myself in band but then my career just went downhill because i refused to practice in sec one at all. now im suffering because i dont have any intention of being in bass or thirds at all. im keeping everything inside because i dont want to burden or upset my batchmates at all.

my tone sucks and breathing sucks i cant even hold properly im just a total failure i have no life at all. i keep whining but it just isnt going to help at all.

im just totally stuck in nowhere.

Yes, and I am utterly disgraced to say that such a person actually exists.

So this particular person not only made me lose my trust in him, but also in someone else.

First of all, it is definitely, definitely, definitely wrong and morally incorrect to be reading other people’s conversations without their permission. Even if the person next to you allows you to read, have you ever spared a thought to the person on the opposite end? Anyway, not that I really care since I don’t suan people or curse with vulgarities on msn.

Secondly, its even more wrong to text the opposite party to not crap after reading the msn conversation. Hello, I don’t suppose you were even supposed to be reading in the first place.

Those aside, let me illustrate my personal experience with a low-life like no other.

I was on msn, chatting to person A. Person B, who happens to be A’s brother) comes home and apparently reads our conversation, then texts me to “warn” me what I say to A. Hello again, A started talking to me. And also, we were only talking about Person C, who is in no way related to either of us; A, B or myself. So, not like its swears or curses I wrote on msn. Then Person B texts me. Right. I honestly wonder if you are just jealous of Person C or what, or maybe you are just plain ungentlemanly.

With that, I lose every single ounce of my trust in you. Yes, you, Person B. On top of that, I start to question my trust in person A too. I wonder if you two actually collaborated, just to make me look like a utter fool, or just for the fun of it. However, Person A, I must honestly say you’ve been really awesome, its just that whatever Person B has done is just too much, it wavers my trust in you, that you could have possibly been dragged in too.

So there. Person B, you know who you are. I hope you read this even though you have a 99.9% chance of not being able to even find this.

I hope you know that I have actually had such a horrible encounter, and I have actually once been friends with a low-life called N.N.J.H .

-Inhales, exhales-

Finally all that off my chest. I wonder if anyone will understand with bits and pieces of information missing.

Thanks nicole for posting this for me! I’m feeling happier, way way way happier!

(She rocks, alot!

 Wow that rhymes.)

i feel like so super total shit crap right now
perhaps im too sensitive but the little things just make me totally upset and i dont know why which is an insanely weird and bad thing that i should try to get rid of. I MEAN HELLO just the one and two and im so upset. its only numbers! numbers. but they mean alot do they.

ah shi.